A Journey Through Self-Doubt And Bookstagram

My Struggle With Imposter Syndrome

Photo by Vrînceanu Iulia on Unsplash

Hello my lovely readers!!!

Welcome back to my little bookish corner of the internet where I talk all things books. Today, I want to share a little story that happened to me at work last week . So, one of my tasks at work is reviewing document translations from English to Japanese. I do the first round of reviewing, then my senior manager, who is native Japanese, does the final round. This week, as I was reading a document that had already been reviewed by her, I noticed a sentence, which was structurally incorrect.

It was an obvious mistake. But I simply couldn't bring myself to point it out to her. I was like, surely, I am not trying to teach a native Japanese speaker her own language? Japanese in only my fifth language and I’ve studied it completely on my own. I’ve passed exams and am certified at the most advanced level but still, it doesn’t bring me anywhere near a native speaker. So, I spent about half an hour reading and re-reading the sentence, then finally I put it to her in a very polite, roundabout way, I was so nervous. And she got back to me saying it was a typo, and thanked me for pointing it out. She's very sweet, so that was it.

But the thing is, this has been a struggle all my life, I simply cannot believe that I am good enough. I wanted to start a book page for so long, but I couldn't find the confidence because I don't have a degree in literature. How can I possibly talk about literature, and even if I did, who would possibly care?

But then, something happened last year and just out of desperation, I started my bookstagram page. It's been over seven months since then, I’ve also started this newsletter, and have 750+ followers on Instagram. I know 750 is by no means a big following on Instagram, but to me even one follower is too big because I always thought I’m not qualified enough to be talking about books.

But being on bookstagram, I don't think anyone cares. People don't expect me to offer academic level literary analysis. Most people read books because it's a form of recreation for them. They enjoy reading, and are happy to meet other people who love reading just like they do. Most of them don’t have a degree in literature, because you don’t need a degree in literature to enjoy a good book. And honestly, if anyone wants academic level literary insights, they can simply enroll for a course. Looking at it now, it all feels so silly. What was I even afraid of? I don’t expect everyone else I meet on bookstagram to offer me a PhD level literary theses, so why was I holding myself to such a ridiculous standard?

I have a lot of respect for those who study literature and am always eager to hear their insights on books. But just because I can’t talk about books as a subject matter I’m expert in doesn’t mean I can’t talk about books at all. Books to me have always been my biggest source of emotional comfort, books have literally made me, I’m not being over-dramatic when I say to me, books feel like home. So, I can talk about books from that point of view. And I do, and so far no-one has questioned that. Bookstagram has been nothing but a source of positive energy in my life the last seven months. It has found me a place in a community of like-minded people who share the same love for books as I do, I enjoy every single moment of being there. 

I’m glad I was so distressed that day that I didn’t even think it through, because if I had, I probably never would have started. The confidence I’ve found now, not because I’m perfect, but because I learned that I don’t have to be, could not have been gained otherwise.

What about you? Do you also struggle with feelings of inadequacy, or are you the confident type? Don’t forget to let me know.

For more of my bookish ramblings, you can also find me on Instagram

Also, if you’d like me to write for you, you can contact me at joyiewrites@gmail.com

That’s it for today, I'll be back in your inbox next week.

Until then,

Joyie 🌻